Maybe thats why I've been digging deep this week...
A fascination with documentaries growing up really got me interested in those diligent and interested folk who worked so carefully, delicately brushing back the soil to reveal the foundations of something old buried underneath the ground. I always loved seeing the structure emerge, wondering what it was they would find.
This week, after a 24 hours of pain with an issue I've been waiting to have surgery for, I finally told my partner I needed to go to emergency. Upon getting there, and getting the help and pain relief I needed, I was able to rest for a few hours and stablize while they investigated things to make sure I was ok. I was relieved to know there was nothing new to find, and was referred back to my specialist for a further check up scheduled for this week.
Once home, I abandoned my bed for the garden and went and lay straight on the earth. https://earthinginstitute.net/what-is-earthing/
After about 45 mins of this healing, I gathered up some lavender and fresh eucalyptus leaves and infused these plants in an epsom salts bath as part of my recovery time.
That afternoon, as I rested with my journal close by and reflected on this latest experience...
I decided to become an archeologist. I felt the urge to dig deep, why had I hesitated for such a long time given the condition I have is a familiar one? I couldn't help but notice that the suffering I had been 'putting up' with for 24 hours prior had ended with haste, once I'd said 'no more'... As I painstakingly took in the detail of what was being revealed to me I noticed a pattern around needing to prove myself before I could ask for help. As well as a 'suck it up' and 'toughen up' mentality that wanted to handle things, control outcomes, and make it look effortless even though it hurt like hell.
My journalling revealed 3 key statements:
1. I can tolerate a great deal of pain - Unnecessarily
2. I don't give up until its long overdue...and that is not admirable - its stupid
3. I want to make sure I'm 100% correct, before I ask for help with something I know I'm 100% correct about ALREADY
Blame it on being the first born, or learning things the hard way being my preferred style - but I've realised since this excavation of sorts that I'm really not requiring this old way of operating any longer. I'm sure it served me at some stage when I really needed to knuckle down and learn about work ethic, or prove myself in a new job when I was first working - but its old and outdated now. A relic that crumbles as I touch it, rather than feeling structurally sound.
Not all things were built to last. I am ready to do some knocking down in order to rebuild. This weeks schedule is a reflection of me taking steps to look after myself. This week, there will only be Earth (Yin Yoga) and Earth blend classes offered. I hope you support the change, and perhaps take the opportunity to slow down a little yourself...
Big Love,
Justine
Blog cover Image courtesy of Hello Ro Photography
